October 13, 2013 7:31 am -

A wee parable, if I may.

Many years ago, I ran a little tech firm in the East Village of Manhattan. We had a fridge, and everyone put their lunch food in it. Then, invariably, they ate it. Sort of how it works the world over.

One guy, who brought pizza almost every day, complained to me one day that his treasured slices were walking out of the refrigerator, and to a place not his mouth. I told him that this was just awful. But in true Ayn Randian fashion, he was cruelly and finally on his own to solve the crime. That’s how it was, in the old days.

Unfazed, he concocted a uniquely effective solution to the pie-swiping problem. He affixed a yellow post-it note to the outside of the pizza box, reading ALL PIECES LICKED.

And sure enough, no one ever snicked another piece again. Not even once.

Now, fast-forward to today, and to Beinigsville, PA, where the wonderfully named Upper Macungle Township Police Department dispatched officers to the Wakefern Food Corporation warehouse to address a truly heinous crime in progress — the theft of strawberry-flavored Jell-o from the company cafeteria.

Reports the Smoking Gun, this affront to all that is decent was not an isolated crime; it had happened before, and to the same unfortunate man, and… it was Jell-o then, too.

But the story doesn’t end there. Astoundingly, the Macungle authorities continue to report this case as an open investigation. So you may expect updates.