October 19, 2013 7:41 am -

Obama Inauguration

In a truly head-scratching revelation, Former Vice President Dick Cheney revealed to 60 Minutes that he hacked his defibrilator so that terrorists couldn’t, er, shut him down.

As Cheney, describing one of the odder responses to the Patriot Act ever conceived, put it:

…his doctor, cardiologist Jonathan Reiner with whom Cheney wrote his new book “Heart,” had the device’s wireless function disabled when it was replaced in 2007 so that terrorists could not trigger a fatal shock to his heart.

“I was aware of the danger… that existed… I found it credible,” Cheney said.

“I know from the experience we had and the necessity for adjusting my own device, that it was an accurate portrayal of what was possible.”

No word as to whether or not Cheney’s heart has a secure password, or if it can be hacked to send emails about discount drugs to your friend list, or if it can post to Twitter when it’s in the mood for a fresh apple.

But thanks to Dick Cheney’s acute foresight, even the NSA will never know.