May 20, 2014 1:12 am -

The Tennessee man walked into a bar, dropped his pants and tried to copulate with an ATM machine.

Lonnie Hutton, 49, was collared at The Boro Bar and Grill, the Murfreesboro watering hole where he allegedly sought to make a 9 PM deposit.

According to a Murfreesboro Police Department report, an officer was dispatched to the bar, where a witness said that Hutton walked to the ATM and “pulled down his pants and underwear exposing his genitals.” Officer M. Rickard added, “Mr. Hutton then attempted to have sexual intercourse with the ATM.”

After his encounter with the ATM, Hutton “then began to walk ‘nude’ around the bar thrusting his hips in the air,” Rickard reported.

Hutton was subsequently escorted from the bar and “told to sit at a wooden picnic table.” But once outside the bar, Hutton allegedly “again exposed himself again and engaged in sexual intercourse with the wooden picnic table.”

Let’s hope the ATM wasn’t jealous.

D.B. Hirsch
D.B. Hirsch is a political activist, news junkie, and retired ad copy writer and spin doctor. He lives in Brooklyn, New York.

No responses to Man Arrested For Attempting Sex With ATM

  1. fahvel May 20th, 2014 at 2:08 am

    no one hurt – give him a soft padded room with holes in the walls.

  2. granpa.usthai May 20th, 2014 at 3:07 am

    note to Sara:

    you may be able to pick up a volunteer for your staff in Tennessee.

  3. Anomaly 100 May 20th, 2014 at 5:11 am

    Some of those ATMS look like sexy beasts. This is totally understandable.

    • Bunya May 21st, 2014 at 2:50 pm

      Ain’t THAT the truth!! I find it really hard for me to contain myself when I have ATM machines coming onto me all the time.

  4. Carla Akins May 20th, 2014 at 5:34 am

    Stop taking the Ambien.

    • Anomaly 100 May 20th, 2014 at 6:00 am

      If I have to…

  5. CHOCOL8MILK May 21st, 2014 at 6:43 pm

    I hope someone wiped down that ATM machine after he made the deposit.