September 4, 2014 9:15 pm -

The Minneapolis worker noticed him alright, but not in the way he’d hoped.

John R. Lind faces two counts of criminal sexual conduct for incidents that allegedly happened since late February. Charges were filed in Ramsey County.

According to the criminal complaint, an employee at Beisswenger’s hardware store in New Brighton called police on Aug. 26., saying she thought Lind, her co-worker, was leaving bodily fluids on her desk…

On Aug. 28, Lind agreed to meet with police at the Ne w Brighton Public Safety Center, the complaint states. While talking with officers, he admitted to ejaculating on his co-worker’s desk and coffee on Aug. 26, which was his birthday. He then went on to admit that he’d ejaculated in her coffee twice in the last six months, and on her desk four times, wiping up the mess with the scrunchy.

He told police he was attracted to his co-worker and did this to get her to notice him. He also said that he knew it was “gross and wrong,” the complaint states.[su_sky_ad]


D.B. Hirsch
D.B. Hirsch is a political activist, news junkie, and retired ad copy writer and spin doctor. He lives in Brooklyn, New York.

14 responses to Man Does Something Unthinkable To Coworker’s Coffee To Get Her To Noticed Him

  1. edmeyer_able September 4th, 2014 at 9:22 pm

    He’ll be a hit in prison, which he most assuredly deserves.

  2. Billy Jackson September 4th, 2014 at 9:43 pm

    I can understand someone secretly placing Foldgers Crystals in my coffee, but spunk is off limits.

    So, did she drink any of that joe? If so, maybe she thought the cream in her coffee was curdled? Definitely not good to the last drop.

  3. tiredoftea September 4th, 2014 at 9:51 pm

    ComGen travels?

    • Anomaly 100 September 4th, 2014 at 11:48 pm


  4. juicyfruityyy September 4th, 2014 at 10:21 pm

    All he had to do, to get her attention, would be to come to work nude. She would have noticed him. What he did was gross. Maybe, living out some type of fantasy.

  5. Tommy6860 September 4th, 2014 at 10:48 pm

    WTF! Just think what his dishware at home is like.

    • M D Reese September 4th, 2014 at 11:09 pm

      I’m trying so hard not to…

  6. M D Reese September 4th, 2014 at 11:06 pm

    Wow. I need to go throw up now.

  7. Maxx44 September 4th, 2014 at 11:17 pm

    Just too gross.

  8. Herb Sarge Phelps September 5th, 2014 at 4:39 am

    OMG!!! I just have to ask, was he really Ted Nugent in hiding or something like that? I know it sounds like something Nugent would do with a 10 year old girl.

  9. Roctuna September 5th, 2014 at 7:40 am

    John “Minute Man” Lind must have swooped in, done his business and sped away. How do you do that in an office environment? Great pic choice Alan!

  10. raincheck September 5th, 2014 at 8:05 am

    Just another day at the office?

    Minneapolis worker: Do we have any coffee made?
    John R. Lind: Yes we do… would you like a cup?
    Minneapolis worker: Yes, I would love one
    John R. Lind: Do you take “cream” and sugar?
    Minneapolis worker: Yes.. thank you
    John R. Lind: one “lump” or two?

  11. Denise September 5th, 2014 at 9:24 am

    wow! he wanted her to notice him? whatever happened to just going over and asking her out? he sounds like a son of lou gohmert.

  12. R.J. Carter September 5th, 2014 at 9:27 am

    Well, I was just about to go make a cup of Highlander Grog, but now not so much.