Conservative Christian Rewrites Harry Potter
While our friends in the world of right-wing politics and their allies on hillbilly television like Phil Robertson spend their time spouting off Jesus fan fiction, one woman has taken a different approach toward indoctrinating her children into a deluded, self-serving, hateful worldview: Harry F@#$ing Potter. “Grace Ann,” who has thus far completed six chapters of…
Anomaly 100 September 21st, 2014 at 3:38 pm
RJ Carter sent me a link about this. I told him that it had to be a 4Chan hoax or something. We couldn’t decide if this person was real or not.
Carla Akins September 21st, 2014 at 3:47 pm
It sure reads like a parody.
Anomaly 100 September 21st, 2014 at 3:50 pm
I think so, too. RJ said it was Betty Bowers-ish.
StoneyCurtisll September 21st, 2014 at 3:52 pm
High Five to Betty Bowers reference~!
Anomaly 100 September 21st, 2014 at 3:55 pm
I’ll pass that on to RJ Carter:-)
mea_mark September 21st, 2014 at 3:38 pm
Those kids are going to be really mad when they discover the real Harry Potter books and discover their parents lied to them.
whatthe46 September 21st, 2014 at 5:33 pm
M D Reese September 21st, 2014 at 6:05 pm
I’m guessing they’re home-schooled. If not, they are in for a lot of razzing at school when they talk about their version of Harry…I agree about the lying.
Larry Schmitt September 21st, 2014 at 6:52 pm
She has to be a home schooler.
M D Reese September 21st, 2014 at 6:56 pm
Which does not bode well for educational outcomes in this country.
tiredoftea September 21st, 2014 at 8:50 pm
Just one more bit of reality to add to that list.
StoneyCurtisll September 21st, 2014 at 3:42 pm
Two books I have absolutely no interest in..
One is fantasy..
The other is mythology..
Dwendt44 September 21st, 2014 at 4:24 pm
Harry Potter is at least entertaining.
M D Reese September 21st, 2014 at 6:04 pm
…And inspired a lot of kids to read.
Hirightnow September 21st, 2014 at 5:42 pm
One is a book about fictional characters fighting a war against evil, relying on magic and ending up in improbable/impossible situations, and showcasing one person as the salvation of everything decent and good, who ultimately sacrifices himself for the benefit of everyone else..
The other contains a guy named Dumbledore.
Carla Akins September 21st, 2014 at 3:46 pm
This is the funniest damn thing I’ve ever read.
whatthe46 September 21st, 2014 at 5:32 pm
did you get through it all? bless your heart.
M D Reese September 21st, 2014 at 7:01 pm
I couldn’t do it. I had to just skim.
M D Reese September 21st, 2014 at 6:04 pm
If you mean “funny” in kind of a “gag me” painful sort of way…
Carla Akins September 21st, 2014 at 6:38 pm
“Thank you very much for your concern, sir, but he does not need your religion, he has science and socialism and birthdays.” cannot be written (or read) with a straight face.
M D Reese September 21st, 2014 at 6:58 pm
True that! It sticks in the craw like “job creators”… I actually fired off a letter to my GOP Senator a couple of years back about their ridiculously stilted and belabored talking points.
StoneyCurtisll September 21st, 2014 at 3:50 pm
Searching this story for the link to The Onion…
It has to be there..
M D Reese September 21st, 2014 at 6:03 pm
You’d think–but no.
Steph September 21st, 2014 at 3:56 pm
Wow. That’s nauseating. Wonder if “Grace Ann” has been introduced to the wonderful world of copyright violation?
M D Reese September 21st, 2014 at 6:02 pm
I hope that she is forthwith. I also hope it’s really expensive.
m2old4bs September 21st, 2014 at 11:08 pm
I believe she soon will be.
jdubhub68 September 21st, 2014 at 3:57 pm
Rather fitting that this week is Banned Books Week.
arc99 September 21st, 2014 at 4:06 pm
Quite arrogant for this woman to presume that only her spiritual world view is “family friendly”.
I can’t think of any pop culture phenomenon in the past 20 years that was more family friendly than Harry Potter.
NW10 September 21st, 2014 at 4:13 pm
Dwendt44 September 21st, 2014 at 4:25 pm
Another example of religion rotting your brain.
William September 21st, 2014 at 4:30 pm
“So,” Harry began nervously; and he bit into a thick, juicy slice of perfectly fried bacon. “What Sorting Hat do you think you will choose?”
Cuz eating bacon is just so Biblical.
Dwendt44 September 21st, 2014 at 7:06 pm
Perfectly fried bacon isn’t ‘juicy’. Greasy maybe, but not juicy.
Mine is crisp and not greasy at all. I microwave them.
Maxx44 September 21st, 2014 at 5:30 pm
How many “Witches-by-Harry-Potter-Conversion” has the Census Bureau identified?
Hirightnow September 21st, 2014 at 5:38 pm
Jesus has a blood stain on his forehead right now…
wpadon September 21st, 2014 at 5:39 pm
I fell asleep while reading it.
M D Reese September 21st, 2014 at 6:00 pm
I started gagging early on and couldn’t read it.
Linda1961 September 21st, 2014 at 5:52 pm
How does grace Ann explain the millions of people who have read the Harry Potter books who have NOT become witches?
tiredoftea September 21st, 2014 at 8:47 pm
Stop making sense, Linda! You keep trying to inject a bit of logic into their delusional little lives, please stop!
Patrick September 21st, 2014 at 11:20 pm
How does she explain a generation that watched “Bewitched” aren’t witches either??
fahvel September 22nd, 2014 at 4:37 am
they are – just wiggle your nose!
M D Reese September 21st, 2014 at 5:59 pm
I wonder if J K Rowling’s publisher has seen this yet?
Linda1961 September 21st, 2014 at 6:24 pm
I’m sorry, but I couldn’t read very much of Grace Ann’s version of Harry Potter, it was awful. JK Rowling has nothing to worry about, but Grace Ann’s children do. If they try to read that crap (their mother’s, not Rowling’s), it will turn them off reading.
From what little I read, women working outside the home is a no-no, according to Grace Ann’s version of Christianity. Lydia and Priscilla are two ladies in the Bible who clearly worked outside the home. We don’t know if Lydia was married, but she was wealthy. Priscilla was married, but seems to always be named before her husband Aquila. I wonder how Grace Ann reconciles these facts to her version of Christianity. I also wonder how she reconciles writing fan fiction to being a homemaker.
Coconut Pi September 21st, 2014 at 6:30 pm
I hope Rowling sues her ass into the ground.
Larry Schmitt September 21st, 2014 at 6:46 pm
If she wanted to create some crappily-written book about god and the bible for her kids, why didn’t she just do it, and leave Harry Potter out of it? She doesn’t want her kids to “turn into witches,” but she doesn’t mind them turning into brain-dead imbeciles?
tiredoftea September 21st, 2014 at 8:46 pm
There’s the Narnia series for kids, if she were serious about this nonsense.
Dwendt44 September 22nd, 2014 at 12:09 am
I’ve never read the books, but the movies didn’t mention god like a ‘good christian’ family movie would.
tiredoftea September 22nd, 2014 at 12:35 am
C.S. Lewis wrote them as a response to his friend Tolkien’s Hobbit series. The series roughly follows bible stories, so the spin is the way christians approve of mystical stuff. No witches, etc., etc. blah blah blah to unsettle the tiny minds of the fringe home schoolers.
Larry Schmitt September 22nd, 2014 at 7:18 am
But at least Lewis could write. Whatever you think of the books.
tiredoftea September 22nd, 2014 at 1:14 pm
I find them both ponderous and painful to read. And, the films were worse than the books. But, I’m not a really big fan of mystical, magical, so I’m certainly in the minority.
fahvel September 22nd, 2014 at 4:36 am
that book has already been written and nowhere in the bible does anyone come to her kids door with a candy bar.
Jeanne Rhodes-Moen September 21st, 2014 at 7:10 pm
The only thing I wonder about is this, some sites have suggested that this was actually written as a parody or satirical fanfiction making fun of right wing fundamentalist, anti-Harry Potter mentalities….so I’d kind of like to know what the author actually intended…ie….was she seriously a mother who wants her kids to read this drivel, or was it written to make fun of those who would?! To me, it’s so wild, it’s almost the kind of thing I would have expected from a Betty Bowers Parody video….
searambler September 21st, 2014 at 9:15 pm
“And then I thought, why not share this with all the other mommies who are facing the same problem? ”
The same problem? Insanity?
searambler September 21st, 2014 at 9:17 pm
“Good morning, kiddo,” the man greeted amiably; and smiled at Harry. He had the peaceful, friendly sort of face you just knew you could trust.
Yeah, just like a priest……..
tracey marie September 21st, 2014 at 9:24 pm
BWAHAHAHAHA, wow, thumpers really are inbred
fancypants September 21st, 2014 at 9:37 pm
Here’s a thought
If you don’t like the book(s) Don’t buy or read them !
Foundryman September 21st, 2014 at 9:49 pm
I hope she’s stupid enough to try to market this book. Something tells me using the harry potter name for the title character and the same plot line as the real book, would be plagiarism.
m2old4bs September 21st, 2014 at 11:14 pm
If she is posting it on a fan fiction blog, she’s marketing it.
m2old4bs September 21st, 2014 at 11:13 pm
I do not believe this to be fan fiction. Outright plagiarism be more like it.
Patrick September 21st, 2014 at 11:23 pm
…is she going to reshoot all the movies too?
Stacey Friend September 22nd, 2014 at 12:11 am
Lol. So much face palm! I agree, Jesus indeed has a blood stain on his forehead after reading this little number. Hell, I have one after reading that….
Larry StCroix September 22nd, 2014 at 12:42 am
I hope JK Rowling files a copyright infringement suit against her
Bunya September 22nd, 2014 at 3:21 pm
“Women should not have careers because women are nurturing and loving and their gifts serve them best in the home!”
This is a joke, right?
“…and since you’ll have no career skills to fall back on, you can careen into abject poverty when your husband runs off with his 20-year-old secretary, leaving you and the kids with nothing.”
StarBorne September 23rd, 2014 at 8:49 pm
Is this BS for real?