The Weak In Review Oct. 12 – 17

With two week and change until the midterm elections, we turn once again with a jaundiced eye to see what the news tell us about the state of our democracy. Inhaling deeply, we note that Eiron the Goddess of Irony, has done some stellar work this week.

Inhale deeply: it’s the Weak in Review!

[su_center_ad]After hearing Wingnuttia demand for sealed border to prevent swarthy ISIS terrorists with Ebola swarming into the United States (which already has had 1 death from the disease) from Mexico (0 cases of Ebola), the Caribbean-bound Carnival Cruise Magic was turned away from port… in Mexico and was forced to return to Texas. Theocrat secessionist Rick Perry flew in from Europe to Texas to demand a ban on air travel to/from countries that have been hit hardest by Ebola. Like Texas, for instance?

But we had other Ebola advice this week, too: You cannot catch Ebola on an airplane according to the airlines, but according to self-certified ophthalmologist Rand Paul, you can catch Ebola from a cocktail party. I’m clearly not going to the right cocktail parties.

Leaving Texas’ Perry for Iowa’s famous animal husbandry expert Joni Ernst, who is itching to castrate, well, Obamacare:

What we have to do a better job of is educating not only Iowans, but the American people that they can be self-sufficient. They don’t have to rely on the government to be the do-all, end-all for everything they need and desire, and that’s what we have fostered, is really a generation of people that rely on the government to provide absolutely everything for them. It’s going to take a lot of education to get people out of that. It’s going to be very painful and we know that. So do we have the intestinal fortitude to do that?…”We’re looking at Obamacare right now. Once we start with those benefits in January, how are we going to get people off of those? It’s exponentially harder to remove people once they’ve already been on those programs…we rely on government for absolutely everything. And in the years since I was a small girl up until now into my adulthood with children of my own, we have lost a reliance on not only our own families, but so much of what our churches and private organizations used to do. They used to have wonderful food pantries. They used to provide clothing for those that really needed it. But we have gotten away from that. Now we’re at a point where the government will just give away anything.”

Shorter Ernst: poor people don’t deserve medical care, food, or shelter. Ernst would be delighted to tell Oliver Twist that there is no more soup.

As long as we are in Iowa, let’s gape in wonder at the comedy stylings of Willard Romney as he was stumping for Ernst:

President Obama went to the bank to cash a check and he didn’t have his ID. And the teller said you’ve got to prove who you are.

He said, “How should I do that?”

She said the other day Phil Mickelson came in, he didn’t have his ID but he set up a little cup on the ground, took a golf ball, putted it right into that cup so they knew it was Phil Mickelson.

They cashed his check.

And then Andre Agassi came in. And Andre Agassi didn’t have his ID either. He put a little target on the wall, took a tennis ball and racquet– hit it onto that target time. We knew that was Andre Agassi so we cashed his check.

And she said to him, “Is there anything you can do to prove who you are?”

And [Obama] said, “I don’t have a clue.”

And she said, “Well, Mr. President, do you want your money in small bills or large bills.”

So when was the last time you heard a gazillionaire telling a joke about cashing a cheque? Some advice, Willard: keep your day job and never buy gribenes from a Mohel. Thank you! I’ll be here all week! Tip your waiter on the way out!

Leaving Iowa, we head to Philly where we learn how the outreach to minority communities is working out for Republican Tom Corbett. Corbett who has kind of a problem with minorities (last year he told editors of Philadelphia-based Al Dia that he didn’t have any Latinos in his cabinet. but “If you can find us one, please let me know.”).

Anyway, Corbett’s staff found a unique solution: photoshop in the missing minority! Maybe he should have asked to borrow Willard’s binders full of women?

Quickly, let’s check into how that GOP rebranding is working in South Carolina where recently was raised the issue of the Confederate flag flying over the statehouse:

“What I can tell you is over the last three and a half years, I spent a lot of my days on the phones with CEOs and recruiting jobs to this state,” the governor noted. “I can honestly say I have not had one conversation with a single CEO about the Confederate flag.”

At least she knows who her constituents are.[su_csky_ad]

D.B. Hirsch

D.B. Hirsch is a political activist, news junkie, and retired ad copy writer and spin doctor. He lives in Brooklyn, New York.