November 3, 2014 2:45 pm -

The Dark Lord is out to get the millionaire stars of the Duck Dynasty reality show. Conservative Pastor of “Duck Dynasty,” Alan Robertson, explained that the Evil One is out to destroy his family in particular, however, he didn’t explain why unless Beelzebub just hates on reality shows.

[su_center_ad]Right Wing Watch reports, ‘Conservative Christians need to warn this nation of “the dire consequences of unrestrained living against the will of God,” Robertson told the crowd, because “it will destroy us all.”‘

“I don’t want to be in Sodom and Gomorrah, waiting until the last possible moment and then look up and realize that I waited too long,” he said. “That my family now is on the altar of sacrifice because I didn’t make a difference before the catastrophe came.”

“There is an Evil One, an enemy who is against us,” Robertson said. “He is there and he is fighting us and we have to take the fight to him.”

Let us all gather around this wealthy family and shield them with our bodies to protect them from evil. They are the real martyrs. Also, vote for his family member who happens to be running for office. Amen.

Watch courtesy of Right Wing Watch:

D.B. Hirsch
D.B. Hirsch is a political activist, news junkie, and retired ad copy writer and spin doctor. He lives in Brooklyn, New York.

24 responses to Satan Is Out To Get Duck Dynasty, Says Duck Dynasty Star

  1. tiredoftea November 3rd, 2014 at 2:58 pm

    “First, He came for Honey Boo Boo. We took that as a sign.”

  2. tracey marie November 3rd, 2014 at 2:58 pm

    these rwnj and their delusions crack me up and make me cry at the same time. their inbred followers will fall to their knees and start praying for salvation from some magical myth to save them from another magical myth

  3. RK Johnston November 3rd, 2014 at 3:28 pm

    To that, The Dark Lord put out a statemement:
    “I do not have to go out and get Mr. Roberston…I let my minion Mammon do my work for me. And I must say, Mammon is certainly doing a great job!
    Now God, on the other hand, will probably be wanting to have a few pithy, pungent words with Robertson and his whelps…before He hits the trap-door and sends them to me!
    All in all, such delicious fun you humans can be!”


  4. EnuffBull November 3rd, 2014 at 3:49 pm

    Maybe it’s God’s plan… just go with it, DoctorDucky!

  5. Obewon November 3rd, 2014 at 3:51 pm

    It’s great that unshaven and unbathed child molester fundamentalist Robertson conned so many into secretly following his worship of conservative Islam attire beards, underage marriage and embracing misogyny: ‘Conservative Christians need to warn this nation of “the dire consequences of unrestrained living against the will of God,”-Robertson

  6. Pat Padrnos November 3rd, 2014 at 5:17 pm

    Good grief!! He sounds more bizarre with each public statement.

  7. Dwendt44 November 3rd, 2014 at 5:21 pm

    If one imaginary deity isn’t enough, the Duck flavored pedophile believes in another one.

  8. eyelashviper November 3rd, 2014 at 5:27 pm

    Satan, what are you waiting for…??
    Take this creature into the bowels of Hell, or anywhere, just get him out of our country.

    • tracey marie November 3rd, 2014 at 6:49 pm

      start with Patrick in Texas

  9. M D Reese November 3rd, 2014 at 5:43 pm

    Why is it that when the rest of us hear voices in our heads, we get put on a 72 hour psychiatric hold, and yet when these idiots claim to hear and know the will of gods and demons, we hand them a microphone and give them a tax exemption. It’s always puzzled me.

    • infectious_d November 5th, 2014 at 8:38 am

      it’s cause they said it was ‘god’ or a ‘demon’, most of us don’t have any clue who those voices are, so we get punished for being unspecific

  10. arc99 November 3rd, 2014 at 5:58 pm

    I had my Emily Latella moment.

    I thought it said that Santa is out to get the duck dynasty guys.

    In either case, I would only add that fear of a fictional character is unhealthy.

    • infectious_d November 5th, 2014 at 8:37 am

      Santa would make a lot more sense, they’ve been on his ‘naughty’ list for a loooooong time

  11. Angelo_Frank November 3rd, 2014 at 6:42 pm

    What a bunch of grifters. They would fleece their own Mother for a dollar.

    • Hirightnow November 3rd, 2014 at 8:15 pm

      Ya Think?

  12. Chinese Democracy November 3rd, 2014 at 7:22 pm

    an evil one .. called Nielsen ratings is out to destroy them

  13. Hass November 3rd, 2014 at 7:51 pm

    It’s 2014 and the delusion continues.

  14. Hirightnow November 3rd, 2014 at 8:13 pm

    And here I was, thinking that Lucifer (Our Dark Lord, All Praise Him) was after those souls that WEREN’T lost to God….

  15. tracey marie November 3rd, 2014 at 10:20 pm

    I find it amazing how some believe in such ridiculous myths and fairy tales in this day and age.

  16. DD November 4th, 2014 at 2:15 am

    Boy oh boy, if I believed in satan I think I would be his cheerleader right now. Poor millionaires are feeling scared of the boogie man….awwwwwe. Well duck boy, looks like A&E is your biggest threat since they’ve just signed a new Redneckified millionaires boys club to take your place. I guess you shouldn’t have been letting the cat out of the bag and showing that your hillbilly bullshyt was all planned. That’s what happens when you’re dishonest. Satan come and get em!!!

  17. infectious_d November 5th, 2014 at 8:36 am

    everyone hates reality shows, not just the dark lord 😀