December 20, 2014 9:00 am -


It looks like kids in Florida who have die-hard NRA members for parents can now trade Micky Mouse for machine guns, in what might be the most quintessentially American theme park ever constructed. Located in Orlando, Florida, six miles from Walt Disney World, Machine Gun America promises all sorts of thrill rides, all of them phallic…


D.B. Hirsch
D.B. Hirsch is a political activist, news junkie, and retired ad copy writer and spin doctor. He lives in Brooklyn, New York.

12 responses to Machine Gun Park For Kids Opening In Orlando

  1. Anomaly 100 December 20th, 2014 at 9:10 am

    USA! USA! USA!

    F*ck yeah America!

  2. amongoose December 20th, 2014 at 9:15 am

    There is also one in Las Vegas

  3. William December 20th, 2014 at 9:15 am

    What could possibly go wrong?

  4. mea_mark December 20th, 2014 at 9:18 am

    A place to celebrate the eternal hate fest and indoctrinate the kids.

  5. William December 20th, 2014 at 9:22 am

    Sounds like a real money maker. I wonder if I can get in on the concession stand franchise?

  6. arc99 December 20th, 2014 at 9:47 am

    Guns forever, but condoms never. Never will understand the mentality that teens are old enough to be trained in the use of deadly force but not how to avoid getting pregnant.

    But hey why stop there.

    What the heck, order up a few kegs of beer for the trigger happy youngsters who are sure to be quite thirsty after blowing their targets (and hopefully not each other) to smithereens. Offer discounts to any kid who drives his own vehicle to the facility without parents.

    Age 14 is the new 21 for the firearms fetishists.

    • Bunya December 20th, 2014 at 3:22 pm

      Keep in mind that these kids, who are old enough to serve in the military, aren’t quite old enough to drink. They’re mature enough to kill, but not mature enough to get buzzed.

  7. Pistol-Packing December 20th, 2014 at 10:36 am

    Do I even need to say it ??

  8. theyak47 December 20th, 2014 at 3:00 pm

    Children as young as 13. So essentially PG-13. As if kids would piss away their money on a few seconds of ammunition. get serious. This is intended for adults and they can bring teenage kids. Sounds like fun, and a bonding experience for some people.

  9. edmeyer_able December 20th, 2014 at 3:54 pm

    As I understand it they are very strict if you kill someone you can’t come back for a WEEK, however if just wound them you’re banned for a month……yeah./s

    • fancypants December 22nd, 2014 at 2:12 am

      that’s probably what they originally discussed 🙂

  10. fancypants December 22nd, 2014 at 2:11 am

    anytime you mix florida with live ammo guns Your asking for a disastrous afternoon