December 29, 2014 3:30 pm -

The world stands still for no man, not even Santa Claus, so while you were all swilling eggnog, singing carols, or not doing those things while everyone else was, the world continued to turn. The Christmas weekend newshole was filled with the usual pastry cream of year-end lists and handy gift ideas, but also some actual news. On Christmas day, for example, actor Dustin Diamond of Saved By The Bell fame was arrested for allegedly stabbing someone at a bar in Port Washington, Wisconsin. Diamond initially told police he had a pen in his hand (cops found a switchblade with blood on it in his car) and accidentally stabbed another man while attempting to defend his fiancée. In cellphone video obtained by TMZ that shows the moments just before the incident, patrons can be heard exclaiming, “He’s got a fucking knife!”[su_center_ad]

This doesn’t seem like big news, but it does barely qualify as something that’s worth it just to say you did it. Getting stabbed on Christmas? No. Getting stabbed by Screech? Pass. Getting stabbed by Screech on Christmas? I’m listening…

Christmas also saw the limited release of The Interview in about 300 theaters, as well as a rental release on YouTube, proving that I was right, the terrorists didn’t win…READ MORE [su_csky_ad]

D.B. Hirsch
D.B. Hirsch is a political activist, news junkie, and retired ad copy writer and spin doctor. He lives in Brooklyn, New York.

3 responses to So Apparently, Screech Will Cut A Fool

  1. edmeyer_able December 29th, 2014 at 3:38 pm

    Apparently there were no jingle bells in the bar to save Dustin.

  2. burqa December 29th, 2014 at 11:32 pm

    Ok, since it’s a Tommy Christopher piece, first, let’s make sure the f-bomb has been dropped.
    Check. It’s right there in the first paragraph!.

    Ok, we can proceed.
    I can’t get enough of Screech stories. MORE SCREECH, PLEASE!

  3. infectious_d December 30th, 2014 at 9:50 am

    Married with Children’s prediction was correct…now waiting for “Saved By The Bell: The Prison Years”