January 22, 2015 1:00 pm -

Embattled New England Patriots Head Coach and Official  N[su_right_ad]FL-adjudicated cheat Bill Belichick took to the podium this morning to address the now-roiling controversy of his team’s alleged use of under-inflated footballs in last Sunday’s AFC Championship victory over the Indianapolis Colts. For about five minutes, Belichick gave opening remarks in which he pleaded ignorance of the NFL procedures for verifying game balls, made carefully-worded denials, and tried his level best to avoid using the word “balls” in sentences that would be funny with the word “balls” in them (which is most sentences). That’s no mean feat in a press conference that is specifically about balls, but Coach only slipped up once:

“Tom’s personal preferences on his ball.. footballs are something that he can talk about in much better detail.”


[su_thin_right_skyscraper_ad]As well as Belichick did avoiding juvenile titters from the full-grown adolescents of the world, though, he could not escape telltale symbolism worthy of a 21st Century Edgar Allen Poe: throughout his press conference about tampering with footballs, Belicheck stood in front of a backdrop that featured the hashtag #flexball, intended to promote Gillette razors. And just like those razors, Belichick’s press conference was designed to give him the wiggle room to escape this kerfuffle with nothing worse than a close shave.

In case you missed it, allegations surfaced on Monday that the Patriots may have used under-inflated footballs, which would be easier for offensive players to grip, in their victory over the Colts. Further reporting by ESPN showed that 11 of the Patriots’ 12 game balls had to be re-inflated at halftime when they were tested and found to be “significantly below” the 12.5 psi level required by the NFL.

When asked about the allegations, Patriots quarterback Tom Brady laughed them off, but like Belichick, left himself lots of wiggle room by not actually denying them…READ MORE

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D.B. Hirsch
D.B. Hirsch is a political activist, news junkie, and retired ad copy writer and spin doctor. He lives in Brooklyn, New York.

5 responses to The Funniest Thing About Cheating Patriots Coach Bill Belichick’s Press Conference

  1. arc99 January 22nd, 2015 at 5:58 pm

    According to what I have read, the deflated footballs were in use only in the first half. At halftime, the score was 17-7.

    Before the start of the third quarter, they were inflated up to specs. The final score was 45-7.

    Yes it was against the rules what the Patriots did in the first half. But as the final score indicates, it only got worse for the Colts when the Patriots had to play with balls inflated according to the rules.

    and yes it is difficult not to giggle when talking about balls…..

    • Um Cara January 23rd, 2015 at 10:29 am

      Arc said “balls” heheh heheh heh

      • arc99 January 23rd, 2015 at 12:28 pm

        hush Beavis.. or am I Beavis?

    • Khary A January 26th, 2015 at 5:13 pm

      THANK YOU!! the ass whipping that was handed out that day was more telling than any particular claim of foul play. The Colts…I’ve seen high school teams play better ball.

  2. fahvel January 22nd, 2015 at 9:00 pm

    wanna win? cheat!