March 18, 2015 11:00 pm -

[su_right_ad]Please, no tasteless baptism jokes.

Earlier today, a news story about the unbelievable method used by the Roman Catholic Archdiocese of San Francisco to keep the homeless off their property – a sprinkler system – went viral. The Archdiocese scrambled to correct the error of their ways.

The Roman Catholic Archdiocese of San Francisco on Wednesday dismantled a sprinkler system it had installed at the city’s cathedral during one of the worst droughts in California history to soak the alcoves and prevent homeless people from sleeping there.

The archdiocese took down the sprinklers after a barrage of criticism because the system installed at St. Mary’s Cathedral was drenching homeless people at night.

KCBS Radio first reported undeterred homeless people were using umbrellas and waterproof gear, but they were still getting soaked as they slept in the doorways. The sprinklers ran for about 75 seconds, about every half hour, starting before sunset in all four doorways, soaking homeless people and their belongings, a KCBS reporter who saw the sprinklers at work reported.

When the story of the sprinkler system broke earlier today, we wondered if they were asking themselves, “What would Jesus not do?”

Saint Mary’s Cathedral, the principal church of the Archdiocese of San Francisco, has installed a watering system to keep the homeless from sleeping in the cathedral’s doorways.

The cathedral, at Geary and Gough, is the home church of the Archbishop. There are four tall side doors, with sheltered alcoves, that attract homeless people at night.

“They actually have signs in there that say, ‘No Trespassing,’” said a homeless man named Robert.

But there are no signs warning the homeless about what happens in these doorways, at various times, all through the night. Water pours from a hole in the ceiling, about 30 feet above, drenching the alcove and anyone in it.



D.B. Hirsch
D.B. Hirsch is a political activist, news junkie, and retired ad copy writer and spin doctor. He lives in Brooklyn, New York.

20 responses to Cathedral Dumps Sprinkler That Drenched Homeless To Keep Them Away

  1. rg9rts March 19th, 2015 at 1:53 am

    Wonder what the Pope thinks of this idea???

    • jybarz March 19th, 2015 at 10:20 am

      Having a big heart and in the right place, he’ll probably join the homeless to protest.

      • rg9rts March 19th, 2015 at 10:28 am

        He won’t be a happy camper for sure

        • Jeffrey Samuels March 20th, 2015 at 12:36 pm

          sshhhhh. The archbishop won’t tell him if you won’t

  2. bpollen March 19th, 2015 at 2:59 am

    I know from experience that the Catholic church can be very cold and unfeeling, but they DO understand PR and just how bad theirs is of late. Like saying religious liberty absolves them of any need to compensate victims of pedophile priests, perverted prelates, corrupt clerics…

    • Bunya March 19th, 2015 at 3:02 pm

      I gotta hand it to the Vatican. After backing the Nazis in WWII and all the child rape cases, their sheeple still keep throwing money at them.

  3. fahvel March 19th, 2015 at 3:52 am

    love it – church=no trespassing – what a concept – keep away, we’re gods reps and we don’t want no people attending.

  4. Jake March 19th, 2015 at 8:13 am

    Catholics can do anything they like – look at the holocaust – 12 million dead and they just get on their knees and give a few bucks to a priest and they are forgiven – gotta love the most successful protection racket in history.


  5. Pilotshark March 19th, 2015 at 8:48 am

    Is this the church at 666 Felt Street?

    MMM wonder if they know there is a dough going on?

    • Guy Lauten March 19th, 2015 at 9:57 am

      There is no “Felt” street in SF, there is a “Fell” street, but there is no 666 Fell Street. The address of St. Mary’s is 660 California Street. Perhaps you are thinking of St. Peter and Paul’s in North Beach, whose address is 666 Filbert St.

      • Pilotshark March 19th, 2015 at 10:56 am

        that`s problem it, i know its a catholic church and a good friend of mind got married there, we all had a good laugh, and yes they was divorced with in two years. 🙂

        • Guy Lauten March 19th, 2015 at 5:08 pm

          amazingly enough, when the City was handing out official addresses, St. P&P could’ve had any even-numbered “600” number over 640, yet someone chose 666. That was quite a while ago, too. Funny.

  6. wpadon March 19th, 2015 at 10:31 am

    Bishop Zubik invited people to return to church last night here in Pittsburgh. Instead of leaving a light on, they won’t turn the sprinklers on.

  7. jybarz March 19th, 2015 at 10:41 am

    I guess being homeless they will also be penniless, therefore the church would consider them useless nuisance. So the sprinklers are their best way of shooing them away. Heartless rich church and a poor Christian model.

  8. Robyn Ryan March 19th, 2015 at 10:55 am

    Standard euro-Christian tactics.

  9. anothertoothpick March 19th, 2015 at 2:21 pm

    Maybe? and I am saying maybe. The sprinklers were filled with HOLY WATER.

    Just like when Jesus cleansed the leper.

    Did any of you think of that?

  10. Bunya March 19th, 2015 at 2:33 pm

    I’m not surprised. The catholic church by my house has a sign outside that says “God is always home”, yet they keep the church locked all the time.
    I’m sure God would approve because, allegedly in the bible, it instructs it’s believers to tithe the church – and homeless people are pretty tight with what little money they have.

  11. Ccrisstopher March 19th, 2015 at 7:34 pm

    More good Christians spreading the word.
    Rotten bastards.

  12. Snick1946 March 20th, 2015 at 5:14 pm

    Isn’t this the Archdiocese that is now led by that bishop who wants to roll back the clock on things? Like he wants single teachers in their schools to sign some pledge to abstain from sex and masturbation? I swear I read that- you can’t make this stuff up.