March 30, 2015 11:30 am -

[su_right_ad]Guns on college campuses are becoming more likely.

Inside Higher Ed today brings an update on the status of the never-ending and inexplicable quest of gun people to ensure that guns are allowed on college campuses across America. Why is this, of all things, an issue that someone would dedicate their attention to? Why not poverty? Or global warming? Or, I don’t know, our nation’s crumbling highway infrastructure? Barring mental illness, the question defies explanation. What we do know is this: legal handguns could be coming to many campuses soon. God bless death:

Right now, the odds are starting to stack up in their favor. The Texas bill has passed the Senate and is on its way to House. The version in Florida has passed through two Senate committees and is headed to the Judiciary Committee.

Should the bills make it through their respective legislatures, both would end up on the desks of Republican governors who are sympathetic to the gun lobby.

Should these bills pass, Texas schools will have to spend tens of millions of dollars on new security measures. A small price to pay for a campus newly rife with dangerous weapons of death! We all know that only good things happen when you mix college students and guns.



D.B. Hirsch
D.B. Hirsch is a political activist, news junkie, and retired ad copy writer and spin doctor. He lives in Brooklyn, New York.

10 responses to Expect More Guns On College Campuses

  1. Suzanne McFly March 30th, 2015 at 11:51 am

    I hope this will be something people consider when they are contemplating which college they will attend. Maybe when the student population significantly declines the politicians will change their minds and go back to having unarmed students.

  2. ExPFCWintergreen March 30th, 2015 at 12:25 pm

    “Professor, I think this A- is really an A+. My gun thinks so, too.”

    • jasperjava March 30th, 2015 at 3:31 pm

      These kinds of numbskulls would be thrilled with an A-. It’s the C students we have to worry about.

    • Ronald L March 30th, 2015 at 7:57 pm

      If the professor is armed, they can duel it out on the quad.

  3. FatRat March 30th, 2015 at 2:43 pm

    Best case scenario, trouble breaks out the lone gunman can hide in plain sight since everyone will sprinting around with a handgun. The cops may be a bit freaked by the handgun marathons but it should be quite the show.
    A Republican state senator from Arkansas who is leading a legislative committee on the subject of giving guns to school teachers accidentally shot a teacher during an “active shooter” drill earlier this year, the local paper of record has uncovered.

    After the shooting at Sandy Hook Elementary School in Connecticut, Hutchinson became interested in arming school personnel, he said. He was invited to attend an ‘active shooter’ training and – using a rubber bullet-loaded pistol – he mistakenly shot a teacher who was confronting a ‘bad guy.’

    The experience gave Hutchinson some pause, but he still supports giving schools the authority to decide how best to secure their campuses.

    (The SOB knew it was a drill, had time to mentally prepare and still accidentally shot the teacher instead of the shooter. He saw the gun and removed the threat.)

    • Ronald L March 30th, 2015 at 8:08 pm

      I have spent way too much time at universities and here is the bigger problem that I foresee:

      Creepy freaks — with guns.

      Every large university I’ve attended is a freak-magnet. (and, no, that’s not why I was there!)

      I suppose it’s all the fresh young students and parties and warm places to nap.

      There is always a small population of drifters, sexual predators, street evangelists and drug dealers who hang around campus.

      Super creepy dudes — and the GOP wants to arm them.

      • FatRat March 30th, 2015 at 8:18 pm

        Youth, alcohol and testosterone combined with a weapon is a recipe for disaster. Throw in the small population of random psychos and colleges are on par with Arkham Asylum. Guns on campus is f***ing insane.

  4. viva_democracy March 30th, 2015 at 4:10 pm

    Expect more guns gun deaths on college campuses.
    There, fixed it for ya.

  5. Ronald L March 30th, 2015 at 7:56 pm

    It’s time to arm pre-schoolers. 😉

  6. AmusedAmused March 30th, 2015 at 9:07 pm

    I don’t see these measures as inexplicable. There is a perfectly reasonable explanation: the purpose of arming students is to enable them to intimidate liberal faculty and their non-conforming peers, perhaps even kill from time to time in defense of their “religious freedom”. It’s part of the right-wing’s larger assault on education.