April 1, 2016 1:45 pm -


Trader Joe’s is not closing. A story that Yahoo News carried is not true. These “pranks” are dumb and can only hurt people. Please stop!

On 31 March 2016, an article was published on Yahoo! News reporting that all Trader Joe’s stores would be closing by 2017:

In a surprising press release this morning, Trader Joe’s announced they will be closing all 457 locations by January 2017. The company has been having financial problems for a while, and with online sales and so many new organic food stores opening competition has been incredibly stiff. The past year they have been slashing prices to combat their main competitor Whole Foods, however this was not enough to keep up.

“The competition has been steeper and steeper every quarter,” said CEO Dan Bane. “At this point, there isn’t enough cookie butter in the world to pave the road ahead.” They will start rolling out store closings in May of this year starting with Florida locations.

While the above-quoted article was published on 31 March 2016, and while it originally appeared on the generally reputable Yahoo! News, this is a piece of fiction.




D.B. Hirsch
D.B. Hirsch is a political activist, news junkie, and retired ad copy writer and spin doctor. He lives in Brooklyn, New York.