May 6, 2016 1:15 pm -


Donald Trump put on a hardhat in West Virginia to show how much he loves coal miners, and used it as an excuse to falsely claim you can no longer use hairspray in America. One can only assume that a President Trump would make sure that every American can use hairspray, in the same way he will ensure that we all say “Merry Christmas” from now on. We all know that hairspray and “Merry Christmas” are banned in America. Thankfully, we have a candidate who will bring these things back.

“My hair look okay?” Trump asked the crowd. “Give me a little spray.”

“Y’know, you’re not allowed to use hairspray anymore because if effects the ozone,” said Trump, the audience of coal men and their families soon laughing along, oh yes, we know:

In the old days, you put the hairspray on, it was good. Today, you put the hairspray on, it’s good for 12 minutes, right? I say, “Wait a minute, so if I take hairspray and I spray it in my apartment, which is all sealed, you’re telling me that affects the ozone layer?” “Yes.” I say, “No way, folks. No way!”



D.B. Hirsch
D.B. Hirsch is a political activist, news junkie, and retired ad copy writer and spin doctor. He lives in Brooklyn, New York.