January 19, 2018 8:57 am -

In the wee small hours of the morning, In Touch magazine posted Jordi Lippe-McGraw’s complete 2011 interview with Stormy Daniels (with minor edits for clarity). Here are the — er, tastiest bits:

Trump’s bodyguard not only knew all about the affair but was the main conduit of communication:

I went up to the room and I was met outside by his bodyguard, Keith [Schiller], who I met every time I saw him. Keith was always with him. That’s how I got in touch with him.How Donald strung her along for a year:

“You should be on [‘The Apprentice’].” And I was like, “Really? No, I don’t think so.” And he just kept thinking about it, I could see his little wheels turning. He goes, “No, it would be really, really good for you. People would think you’re just this idiot with blond hair and big boobs. You would be perfect for it because you’re such a smart businesswoman. You write and you direct and you produce and obviously you’re hot and you’re beautiful.” And I was like, “Well, it’s never going to happen. NBC is never going to let a porn star on.” And he was like, “I can make it happen.” And I was like, “You can’t. I dare you.” I was totally egging him on. And that was kind of like the thing, he was like, “No, we have to work on this for you.” And that was sort of what he tried to bait me with for an entire year.

… [N]ow I wonder if the whole thing was just a f—ing lie.

IT: Just to impress you, to try to sleep with you?

Yeah. And I guess it worked.

Stormy emphatically asserted that she is not a prostitute:

When I came out, he was sitting on the bed and he was like, “Come here.” And I was like, “Ugh, here we go.” And we started kissing. I actually don’t even know why I did it but I do remember while we were having sex, I was like, “Please don’t try to pay me.” And then I remember thinking, “But I bet if he did, it would be a lot.”

IT: This is what you were thinking during sex?

Yeah, isn’t that horrible? But I remember thinking, “I hope he doesn’t think I’m a hooker.” Not that I have anything against hookers. I just personally have never done it.

The sex was generic:

So anyway, the sex was nothing crazy. He wasn’t like, chain me to the bed or anything. It was one position. I can definitely describe his junk perfectly, if I ever have to. He definitely seemed smitten after that. He was like, “I wanna see you again, when can I see you again?” again?” … It was textbook generic. It wasn’t like, “Oh my God, I love you.” He wasn’t like Fabio or anything. He wasn’t trying to have, like, porn sex.

IT: Did he initiate or did you?

Here’s the weird thing. He had one of my DVDs and he asked me to sign it for him and I did.

Discretion did not appear to be a Trump priority — and the germaphobe didn’t use a “jimmy”!

IT: After you two slept together, did he say anything like “don’t tell anyone,” or anything along those lines?

No. He didn’t seem worried about it. He was kind of arrogant. It did occur to me, “That’s a really stupid move on your part.” And it’s not like I went around and told anybody. No one ever really knew.

IT: Did you use protection?

Stormy: No.

The Donald called her regularly:

The number was always blocked. He called me about every 10 days. He always called me “honeybunch.” He’s like, “How’s it going, honeybunch?” He always started the conversation off, I think it was always his excuse to call, “I just read about you in such and such or there’s a quote about you in magazine, I turned on my channel in my hotel room and guess whose face popped up?” Just like anytime he saw or read about me somewhere. I was super busy at the time. I’ve taken a year off because I had a baby, but I was everywhere at the time. That’s when I did and was doing red carpets so there was pictures of me like all the time. That was always sort of his excuse to call: “Hey, did you know that you were on such and such? We need to get together to talk about your thing.”

Stormy was also cheating on her man:

IT: Were you with your boyfriend when you slept with Donald Trump?

Stormy: Yeah.

IT: Did he know about the situation?

Stormy: He didn’t know that detail but he knew everything else.

Trump has another phobia:

You could see the television from the little dining room table and he was watching Shark Week and he was watching a special about the U.S.S. something and it sank and it was like the worst shark attack in history. He is obsessed with sharks. Terrified of sharks. He was like, “I donate to all these charities and I would never donate to any charity that helps sharks. I hope all the sharks die.” He was like riveted. He was like obsessed. It’s so strange, I know.

The “master” of “The Art of the Deal” is terrible with romantic banter:

He kept rubbing my leg and was like, “You know, you’re so beautiful. I love your little nose, it’s like a little beet.” I go, “Did you say a beet? Like, what the f—?” I started giving him a hard time about it. And he goes, “No, no, no, no! It’s majestic. It’s a very smart nose, like an eagle.” I was like, “Just keep digging, dude. Keep digging that hole.”

And, finally, there was the creepy Ivanka comparison:

He bragged about his daughter quite a bit though. He was very proud of her, which is nice. He told me once that I was someone to be reckoned with, beautiful and smart just like his daughter. She is smart and beautiful, so I guess that’s a compliment.

I think Freud would see a bit more than “compliment” going on…

D.B. Hirsch
D.B. Hirsch is a political activist, news junkie, and retired ad copy writer and spin doctor. He lives in Brooklyn, New York.