June 15, 2018 7:04 am -

Meet Douglas Peter Kelly.

If you feel you’ve purchased the wrong illegal drug, fear not, most law enforcement agencies are willing to help.

Just ask the Putnam County Sheriff’s Office.

Douglas Peter Kelly, 49, of Hawthorne, near Gainesville, told sheriff’s detectives he had a “violent reaction” to smoking some methamphetamine and he wanted to “press charges” against the person who sold him the illegal drug about a week earlier, investigators said.

Drug unit detectives invited Kelly to come in Tuesday so they could test the drug for him.

He drove to the sheriff’s office and handed them a crystal-like substance wrapped in aluminum foil. It tested positive for methamphetamine, detectives said.

Kelly was arrested and charged with possession of methamphetamine.

Recent police tactics suggest they have determined that many drug users are not exactly Stephen Hawking.

Authorities in other states have made similar overtures. In May, the Gratis Police Department in Ohio posted a “warning” on Facebook about meth that could be contaminated with the Zika virus and offered to test it – gratis.

The post read:

“WARNING: If you have recently purchased Meth in Preble, Montgomery, Darke or Butler Counties it may be contaminated with the Zika Virus. Please bring it to the Gratis Police Department and we will test it for free. If you’re not comfortable coming into our office, please contact us and we’ll test your Meth in the privacy of your home.”

It included a disclaimer: “Methamphetamine can’t be a host for the Zika virus.”

The Putnam County Sheriff’s Office in Florida said in its Facebook post Wednesday that deputies will test any suspected “bad drugs” for free.

“Remember,” the post read, “our detectives are always ready to assist anyone who believes they were misled in their illegal drug purchase.”

D.B. Hirsch
D.B. Hirsch is a political activist, news junkie, and retired ad copy writer and spin doctor. He lives in Brooklyn, New York.